There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize