The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize