matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
