It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
