Betty ford says i'm here all night
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
