I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
