this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
