You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
