and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
