the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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