Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
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if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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