Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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