come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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