Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
