Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
