pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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