would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
