Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
