Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
