I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
