So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
