I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
