This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize