Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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