I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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