i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
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does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
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The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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