so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
