two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
