first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
