well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
