ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
