She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
