Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
