Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
