Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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