is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
