I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
