I got chris browned last night
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
