the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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