dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
