im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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