just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You ruined the universe
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
