I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He shit in the fireplace
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
