I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
