If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
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Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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