tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Actions speak louder than pants.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
