So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
