im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
