he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
