you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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