So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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