He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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