we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
