we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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