There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
