the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
