Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
