my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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