RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
