I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
