So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
