I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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