Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize