So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
