You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
