So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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