I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
