I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
