Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.

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  (404): I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00. http://tfl.nu/7rzt
  Replies (9) Good night (5256) Bad night (1166)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'

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  (910): it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!' http://tfl.nu/7tsr
  Replies (24) Good night (10817) Bad night (938)
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  (818): View more from California

  I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.

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  (818): I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head. http://tfl.nu/x66l
  Replies (20) Good night (7921) Bad night (1344)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..

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  (319): For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july.. http://tfl.nu/uo05
  Replies (3) Good night (1183) Bad night (2775)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me

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  (719): I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me http://tfl.nu/in6y
  Replies (3) Good night (2111) Bad night (960)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar

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  (614): I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar http://tfl.nu/g47h
  Replies (7) Good night (1955) Bad night (1315)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub

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  (616): someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub http://tfl.nu/yova
  Replies (1) Good night (1850) Bad night (694)
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  (607): View more from New York

  she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well

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  (607): she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well http://tfl.nu/uzhl
  Replies (2) Good night (1940) Bad night (973)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.

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  (641): yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors. http://tfl.nu/lgo5
  Replies (4) Good night (1771) Bad night (1308)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.

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  (907): Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years. http://tfl.nu/b9ln
  Replies (12) Good night (1916) Bad night (720)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys

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  (516): Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys http://tfl.nu/syhe
  Replies (5) Good night (1274) Bad night (516)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.

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  (860): Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me. http://tfl.nu/l2ve
  Replies (5) Good night (798) Bad night (333)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye

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  (913): so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye http://tfl.nu/o046
  Replies (3) Good night (598) Bad night (795)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?

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  (517): Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet? http://tfl.nu/vxlg
  Replies (2) Good night (295) Bad night (658)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  was his pinky out?

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  (704): I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time." (1-704): was his pinky out? http://tfl.nu/k8pa
  Replies (1) Good night (571) Bad night (214)

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