I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"