Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think my moral compass just broke
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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