that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot