Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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