Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
