At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
