hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??