He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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