the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
