you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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