Need sex. Gaining weight.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
