Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
