Me. At least after what I've been through.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
