Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
