The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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