you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
