I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
