Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
